Mother's Day can be a day of very complicated, emotionally charged and emotionally triggering day for many women; particularly in the Black Community where Mother's on Mother's Day are revered and treated like Demi-Gods. Hell, even no-count, secretly abusive and narcissistic mothers are celebrated on Mother's Day!
But what about women whose mothers are deceased? Or women who have strained, broken, or non-exist relationships with their mothers? Mother's Day for some women can be sad, depressing and downright tough!
So here are my feminine suggestions on how to cope with Mother's Day when you are a motherless daughter, have experienced baby loss, or if you are struggling with infertility or the modern womanhood phenomenon of involuntary infertility: 
  1. Protect your boundaries. Mother's Day is EVERYWHERE on Social Media and can be absolutely triggering, so please be kind to yourself by shutting down all of your socials for a period of 24-48 hours. Never apologizing for being kind to yourself!
  2. Practice Aggressive Self-Care. If there's ever a day to put your self-care first: this would be the one!  Mani-Pedis, Ordering high end take-out, binge watching a TV series, journaling, meditating, or going for a good morning run. On Mother's Day, I highly suggest that you stay close to home if you are naturally triggered by seeing open celebrations of Mothers, Mothers to Be, and their children. 
  3. Book an appointment with your Therapist. Therapists are extremely busy during this time because Mother's Day can be a very sad day for many women. Two great resources that I recommend for therapy are: therapyforblackgirls.com or betterhealth.com
  4. Cry it Out. Give yourself the private permission to of a good 5-10 minute cry. As feminine women we owe it to ourselves to cultivate our vulnerability, so Mother's Day is not the day to be trying to act all tough! Cry, Scream into a Pillow, Talk to God, Sob, and get to blubbering in your ugly cry. You will feel better by releasing and surrending to your sadness instead of always trying to be a warrior or a soldier. Ladies, femininity is not about toughing it out! Femininity will always require softness and gentleness to ourselves!
  5. You're not Alone. Please know that you are not alone, although you may feel like you are! There are millions of women around the world who are living with the pain of having a narcissistic mother, a hateful mother, a mentally ill mother, a depressed mother, a disrespectful mother, or a mother who isn't nurturing. I would say that only in the last 10 years that BAD mothers are starting to be more exposed for the tremendous damage that they cause. A great resource for motherless daughters has been Lisa Romano on YouTube! She is a healer and is a tremendous friend to women!
  6. About Baby Loss and Infertility...If you are struggle with baby loss, infertility, miscarriage, or involuntary infertility, again, invest in your radical self-care: cry it out for a spell, journal, make a fantastic breakfast, go for a morning run, read a self-help book, or you can join a Facebook group that is specifically tailored for women who are facing these very common womanhood issues! You are not alone, but it is up to you to find your tribe so that you can HEAL.
  7. Offer Up Your Gifts. If you are healed or if you want to feel more useful on Mother's Day you can always volunteer to hold babies at a hospital, you can begin the process of Fostering to Adopt, you can elect to baby-sit for a struggling Mom who needs a day off, you can volunteer at a woman's shelter, you can buy Mommy gift cards, and you can soothe your need to nurture by giving on any level that you are comfortable with! 
  8. Acknowledge that Mother's Day is One Day. This day might be a BUMMER for you but recognize that Mother's Day is only ONE day and that you will get through it!
  9. How to Respond to Rudeness: If you are being pestered or intrusively asked about why  you don't have children by super RUDE family members or friends you can always have a few responses handy: 1. Mind your own uterus. 2. I am child free by choice or by circumstance. 3. In your most feminine voice ask them: No, but why do you care? 4. I am choosing me for now, but who knows what the future holds? 5. I have several vacations booked, do you have any fun and exciting plans outside of motherhood? Usually that will shut those nosy mothers who have boring lives right on up!
  10. Mother Your Inner Little Girl.  Womanhood means honoring, nurturing and taking care of your inner little girl; but especially on Mother's Day when there is a past history of neglect and abandonment.  On this day the little girl in you is counting on you the most for acknowledgment and kindness!  XO, Chloe.

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