A common question that I get asked often by both single and divorced mothers is on how to manage being both feminine and hypergamous while being both Mom and Dad and the simplest answer to what can often be a loaded and complicated question is to have an open heart, an open mindset and to have an iron clad plan of action!

In many ways your feminine and hyperamous journey is not that very different from any other woman: You must do the investment work of nixing your Masculina and your Sapphire habits, you must feminize yourself on both the outside and the inside,  you must practice radical self care, you must watch the Masculina company that you keep and you must practice the 10 Feminine and Hypergamous Commandments whether single, married, divorced, childless, child-free, of mature age, or whether you are inexperienced in womanhood. 

But I hear your pain. Single mothers can and will get a very bad societal rap, as they are inundated with negativity messaging and are often devalued and dismissed by both men and child free women in ways that are very cavalier, dehumanizing, degrading, punishing and down right mean spirited. So here are my feminine ideas on how to create a winning formula for motherhood and femininity success: 
  1. Respect your privilege.  First and foremost, children are not a bad luck charm and in order to be successful on your feminine journey, a mindset shift towards the blessing of your children must take place! Children are not a liability, they are not a curse, they are not "objects" that hold you back,  nor are they little people that get in the way of your dreams. Children are a blessing to be cherished, valued, respected and emotionally loved on and nurtured as they did not ask to be here. Too many woman desire having a "man"over cherishing their children, and then wonder why they aren't experiencing success with high value men. But to be a mother is a privilege, an honor and a huge responsibility because you are raising the next generation. 
  2. Dress the Feminine Part. The easiest way to step into your feminine as a mother is to dress the feminine part. Wear dresses, heels, makeup, lipstick, get your nails done, and otherwise look good and smell good and your children will take note. As a mother we are our children's greatest teachers. 
  3. People will Judge you. And? Tongues will gag, wag, and people will drag but what the Mommy Shamers think or say about you is quite frankly none of your business. Commit to glowing and shining in your feminine as a single mother and mind the feminine business that pays you! And for some added perspective... the people that often judge the harshest are the people who often come from broken homes themselves! So treat the critics like water off of a duck's back.
  4. Self-Forgiveness is Key. Always extend to yourself some grace and compassion! And if your child's father is a deadbeat; forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know and commend yourself for moving on and getting unstuck. The past cannot be undone but if you allow yourself to be defined by your past decisions you will never heal, grow, evolve or blossom into your full feminine potential. 
  5. Get all the Financial Support you Can: And without guilt.  If financially possible, collect as much child support as the court system will allow to alleviate the financial stress of feeding a growing child.
  6. Build a support team. Women who have a lot of pride and ego are usually the women who try to go at it all alone. But by doing this,  you are turning yourself into a hardened Masculina so try to enlist help: your parents, grandparents, a social worker, a therapist, a nutritionist, and the advice of other single moms.  Do not overwhelm yourself with the "do it all" mindset as you will find your self as a stressed out woman whose candle is burnt at both ends of the stick.
  7. Normalize therapy. The most important strategic action you will to take with your children is open and honest communication. Too many single mothers are drowning in the stigma of silence, shame, anger, and playing the victim blame game while the children get stuck in the middle of your emotional neglect and confusion! But if you want to be both feminine and hypergamous you must communicate with your children the importance of both and a good therapist can help to facilitate those discussions. 
  8. Have a Feminine Plan. As the saying goes when you fail to plan you plan to fail. Like every other woman who is on a feminine journey you must have a strategy and a plan if you want to win in your feminine. So if you are a disorganized woman, a lazy woman, a woman who wants sympathy, or a woman who is looking to be rescued from drowning, your lack of planning will work against you! So get a planner and organize your day from top to bottom. We all have the same 24hrs in one day so the time to invest in your feminine output will be there; you just have to find it or continue to make excuses!
  9. Find a Male Mentor or Role Model for Your Son. In femininity, sons are not surrogate husbands and will need the guidance of a masculine role model especially around the age of thirteen as that is when a young man's budding masculine hormones are preparing him for the rites of passage of manhood. And without proper masculine guidance, a son can become lost to the wolves both literally, proverbially and figuratively.
  10. Educate your kids on the  Masculine and the Feminine Principle. Educate both your sons and your daughters about the energies of the masculine and the feminine and their importance on the success of both professional and romantic relationships so that their mindsets are prepared for the battlefield of life. 
  11. Have a Dating Life. Being a feminine woman means to going out on adult dates,  so have a quality baby sitter on deck! A mother should always create a healthy boundary between her adult needs and the needs of her children as children need to understand that mothers need adult company to keep themselves restored. 
  12. Stop Subscribing to The Torture.  Stop listening to the social media bullies, the low value deadbeats, and the masculinas of The Internets who believe that they have a crystal ball in deciding your fate and your future! The Feminine journey requires both focus and Tunnel Vision, but for some reason a lot of single mother's love torturing themselves with humiliation and pain porn. But being a single mother is not a disease, it's not an affliction, it does not make you a leper, and it doesn't make you damaged goods just because you gave birth! What makes a woman damaged goods is when she doesn't grow, evolve or learn from her mistakes!
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  1. This is amazing advice, as a single mother on her feminine journey, I thank you deeply for this post and all of the advice and encouragement you give.

  2. Thankyou for this post. Its so needed and valued. Happy single mum here 😊

  3. Thank u for all that u do! U are truly a blessing to black women everywhere❤

  4. I needed this. Thank you so much

  5. I needed this. Very insightful

  6. Yes yes yes!!! Especially the self-forgiveness and judgement advice